To Give or Not to Give

I looked straight ahead and purposely stared at the red light that was 300 feet away. Please don't look at me like that... I thought. The shabbily dressed man with a piece of cardboard peered hopefully into my window. What do I do? I only had four dollars in my wallet. It was perfectly acceptable to give him half. But what if I needed to buy something later? I'm merely a student, I don't have the means myself! Yes Pamela, but you're also not starving. I glanced over. Did he look like he was eating well?What if he was a drug addict? An alcoholic? I would be supporting him if I gave him money then. Was he one of the people who became homeless to make an actual living? I've heard they're able to make $50,000 a year! I analyzed his demeanor. What if I gave him the money and he wouldn't appreciate it? He would just grab the money and respond with nothing but a clipped, "Thanks." But what if he actually had a family to support and couldn't find a job? I thought maybe the person behind my car might give him money to help settle my hesitancy and relieve my guilt. No such luck.

The green light flashed and I released my break. I recalled something that worsened my guilt. Someone I looked up to once told me that she gave money regardless. That she has done her part in the world. What the receiver ends up doing isn't her fault or responsibility. By giving a chance and/or hope to a stranger, she would be the one to receive good karma.

I signaled left and made a U-turn. I entered the same plaza I just left and found the same exit. He was still there! This time, I rolled down my window and stuck out the two dollars. He squinted and slowly walked over. "Thank you," he said meaningfully, "and God bless you." "You too!" I wished him happily.

-Pamela